So this blog is in danger of going under. I don’t update it with any regularity and I know of only two (maybe three) who read it on occasion.
That written, here are a few things I hope when it comes to my future son:
1. That he can see perform (phone it in) before he dies. Dylan is still going strong at 66, but his years, I’d assume, are limited. Then again, Keith Richards is by some devine or devilish intervention, still vertical. Let’s say, conservatively, that I get married on March 21, 2009. After that, I’m sure we’ll start trying to have kids within a year. That puts Dylan pushing 70 once Jr. pops out. A 70-year-old on stage? Not exactly a show, more a spoken word exhibit. They’ll have to prop him up, but at least he’ll be there – and hopefully – so will junior and I. 
When I say junior, don’t take me at my word. If I do have the luxury of successfully procreating, the whole “Steve” line will end with me. For years I was leaning towards Austin, and then Austin Powers came out. Nixed. Then it was David Matthews Pease in high school, for obvi reso. Now, I’m not so sure, but I do like my dad’s rationale of “men get to name boys, women girls.” That barbaric rite sounds about right to me.
2. I want my kid to be a long-snapper. Yes, folks, that’s right. A long-snapper. Note the hyphen – it’s that important of a job. The GBP’s recently retired long-snapper Rob Davis 
was the last remaining player from the 96-97 Super Bowl champs, and even he walked on to the fucking team! And then played, what 16 years? Sure, you’re required to show up for every practice, and – if you’re really, really lucky – make a tackle every once in a while. Davis, in fact, made one fumble recovery. Week 11. 2000. Recoveries are so rare that Kevin Gold, of Longsnap.com, noted that Davis ALMOST made his second recovery. God bless the man, though. It’s a thankless job and he’s been a rock for the Pack for a decade. He’s the man, did local commercials, saw primadonnas (and hall-of-famers) come and go. But he just kept on long-snappin’.
Davis’ final salary was in the 480,000 range, however in 2004 he made well over a half mill, plus $5,800 in bonus money for God knows what. 
We’ll miss ya Rob ol’ buddy. And rest assured we’ll be keeping a close eye on the next walk on long-snapper for the Packers: Thomas Gafford.
One Love.
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40 years ago today (DTJ Blog)
Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s last speech. Certainly one of his most well known and rousing oratory masterpieces in which he prophetically predicted his own death. He was killed by an assassin’s bullet 40 years ago today.
He wasn’t even supposed to speak that day. His best friend Ralph Abernathy was to take his place because, King thought, there would be a small turnout due to Memphis storms. In the end, the people wouldn’t leave until King spoke. No one, seemingly, knew it would be his last appearance, except for him.
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http://www.youtube.com/swf/l.swf?video_id=fPxYdObyJ2A&rel=1&eurl=&iurl=http%3A//i.ytimg.com/vi/fPxYdObyJ2A/default.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskKocXr7xm-YgB0r2BPo7Qtg>=¶m=<=&/param=&border=0%22
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Girl you have no faith in medicine
Oh girl you have no faith in medicine
Acetaminophen you see the medicine oh girl
Is there a way to find the cure for this implanted in a pill
It’s just the name upon the bottle, which determines if it will
Is the problem you’re allergic to a well familiar name?
Do you have a problem with this one if the results are the same?
Acetaminophen you see the medicine
Oh girl you have no faith in medicine x2
Acetaminophen you see the medicine oh girl
[Bridge]
But girl you have no faith in medicine
Acetaminophen you see the medicine oh girl
Well strip the bark right off a tree and just hand it this way
Don’t even need a drink of water to make the headache go away
Give me a sugar pill and watch me just rattle down the street
Acetaminophen you see the medicine
Oh girl you have no faith in medicine x2
Oh girl x4
I find myself wondering about the rock band Modest Mouse. Do you ever wonder why the artists you appreciate are the way they are? I wonder. However, I hate that I learn information about the band second hand. So, it is my mission, my new year’s resolution if you will – and i know that you will – to sign on, or simply write a biography about the band.
In a hastily-organized attempt to capture the band, Chicago-based writer Alan Goldsher’s “Modest Mouse: A Pretty Good Read” which has been compared to, among other things, a “an incredibly boring eleventh-grade research paper,” according to one Amazon.com reviewer didn’t go over well with lead singer Isaac Brock.
When getting the story it helps to:
a.) You gotta go to know. Doing face-to-face interviews is important. Multiple if possible and absolutely necessary when writing a book. I don’t know everything about Modest Mouse. I don’t claim to and at this point I really don’t want to. However, I can’t force myself to stop listening to one of my favorite groups. For more than five years, I’ve read interviews and listened to every one of their albums. I don’t know all the changes, I haven’t used “Medication” as fodder for a creative writing class to analyze/break down what Isaac truly meant. I’d rather get some background and then ask him himself. That is, they say, how you do that. Goldsher didn’t even interview a member of the band and what did he get for it (besides a paycheck for completing the book)? That’s right. An “ass-beat threat” from Brock.
b.) I’d be willing to put in the time, money. Neil Young biographer Jimmy McDonough claimed to have taken “10 years” to compile and write what is perhaps the definitive book on the enigmatic star. I don’t have a deadline, a book deal or a deep, deep understanding of what makes the band tick. However, I would like to write their story. All the elements of a great narrative are there: “poverty” if you want or can call it that (Isaac living in The Shed); turmoil (false rape accusations, DWI accident, punched during Moon sessions, still manages to produce mind-bending work) and meteoric rise … your typical local band makes good story (although, the guys – or at least Isaac I believe – don’t really like Issaquah, Wash. where they’re all from anymore). Nonetheless, the elements are there. There’s a story and I’d be willing to (although not preferably) spend my own cash up front telling it.
c.) I fit the role of what they may be looking for in an author. I’m relatively young, not a rabid fan, but I’m not a flaky douche who would shuck the responsiblity of news gathering. While that isn’t a resounding self-endorsement, I’d be fair. I’d also be willing to give the band an opportunity to refute any portion of the book they deemed to be inaccurate. I appreciate music, and have at least a rudimentary knowledge of their style of music, instrumentation … however, I’ve never heard arrangments or song structure quite like this band. It is an anachronism. Post-modern example perfunctory punk-funk. It’s good. The guys in the band seem like good guys. However, that written, I’d be an ethical, objective source. I wouldn’t get shit-canned (that much) and I’d treat it like a job because that’s exactly what it would be. I figure, at minimum, 50 meetings, 50 writing sessions, 10 chapters, three plane tickets, 5 concerts, 100 phone calls, 100 e-mails and a ton of luck.
But all the questions are whys and hows?
Why would they want anyone (or to cooperate with anyone) wishing to write about them?
How does one set this up, write it and then get it published?
Right now, I’m in Phase I of the project: Research and networking. I’ve compiled the band’s managerial contacts; talked to them (except Tom and Isaac) after the Dec. 3 Minneapolis show to float the idea and am now trying to figure out how you actually get a book published (I have a friend in the publishing biz…).
Any suggestions, comments or cosmic truths anyone would like to pass along regarding Modest Mouse or the process of getting a book published would be greatly appreciated.
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So I got bored Sunday night and decided to try and become Hinder’s fan of the month. The homoginized bullshit that these guys manage to pump out of a ProTools infected studio space when they aren’t sucking one another off is completely stomach-churning. I was winterizing my windows the other day and listening to the radio. Someone actually phoned in – perhaps it was another DJ on a cell phone – and requested a Hinder song. It sounded like this guy needed a Hinder fix. What…the…fuck? You’ll have to excuse me, few things piss me off more than this fucking band. I hate these guys and I’ve never even met them.
The lead singer, Austin Winkler is the biggest fucking douche imaginable – overacting in music videos and regurgitating lyrics he most likely didn’t write. He’s a hallow shell of a human being and one hell of bloated hack.
Maybe he’s just a middle-of-the road rocker just trying to make his way on the steel horse he rides. But somehow, I doubt it. I think this band is the definition of posers. I’m no great musician or amazing performer. I’m also not the type of person to go on a tangent so great and pointless that I take an hour out of my day. But this needs to end.
After releasing their single ”Get Stone” in 2006, they were offered major record contracts from Atlantic, Sony and Universal, signing with Universal. They released Extreme Behavior last year. This included the hit single “Lips of An Angel.” This single got me thinking: A girl can have “the face of an angel” drawing a paralell to a soft, soothing appearance. But when addressing “the lips of an angel” it’s non-sensical. WHAT THE FUCK HINDER? WHO WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH AN ANGEL. Either the band, or whomever wrote the song (most likely Winkler) are degenerates or they are too stupid to realize that saying someone has the lips of an angel is a lot like saying a girl has the tits of Mother Theresa. Seriously, it don-a make-a sense-a.
Someone needs to stop music like this from being made. You can tell that once they signed with a label, they all had Extreme Makeovers dovetailing with their Extreme Behavior.
It’s sad really. Perhaps no more sad than me writing this blog, but please don’t support Hinder, their fans, their music, lyrics, Universal Records or even use the word ”hinder” which is a terrible band name. Almost as bad as the Sexy Bang, but not quite. At least ours is original. So anyway, in an attemptto infiltrate and take down the Hinder machine, I’m writing as Hinder’s greatest fan to the ”fan of the week” portion of their website. It’s a necessary evil to go to their website, I suggest you send hate mail. They charge $35 to be in their fan club, p.s. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, enjoy. Here’s what I wrote:
It is musicians like you guys are the reason why I listen to and play music. The songs you create are timeless balads and epic rockers – the exact kind Zeppelin wishes they could still write!!
Austin’s lyrics are amazing and Bolzer and King’s riffs are totally wonderfull!! But seriously dudes, there should be more rockers like ya’ll playin’ music.
Ya’ll write about real life, and live the rock n’ roll lifestyle – ballz to wallz and blitzed on Jaeger – now that’s rock n’ roll.
My band, Obstruction, has been rockin’ greater Tulsa for the last two years and – no surprise to us – we get the greatest reaction from Hinder tunes!!
I also met my new girl at a Hinder show last year – cheerz fellaz.
You guys are the real deal and I just wanted to show ya’ll some love and let you know I just got some ink to honor the band! The logo is as badass and ya’ll and is perfect on my red neck, hah!
I’m a Hinder fan foremost because of the message in the music: Don’t stop believin’ in yourself and show everyone how much you can rock when you really want to!
See ya’ll on the stage!
SP.
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I can barely keep my head up
When you press on my chest
I can now smell metallic blood in my nose
When I take a few steps
I don’t know if I’ll be able to beat you old friend
Perhaps you’ll dim my eyes past blue
Because when they add it up
I’m less than or equal to you
Obviously, it’s hard to breath when you’re around
You don’t make it easy
I carry an incessant ringing sound down town
And wonder all the while why you tease me
I don’t know if I’ll be able to beat you old friend
Perhaps you’ll dim my eyes past blue
Because when they add it up
I’m less than or equal to you
Six days and counting.
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What a virtuoso. Enjoy.
Why does TV suck? Ponder that for a moment. For me it’s because it’s all so one-dimensional, or is it two-dimensional? Dimensions aside, TV, for me is banal. It lacks the spark to keep me interested. Therefore, I make fun of it a lot. And I do mean a lot. When I’m not commenting on the overt “gayness” of the latest Pantene Pro-V commercial, or slowly having an internal/external meltdown over the downward spiral of modern programming (See: America’s Got S0-Called Talent), I’m thinking to myself “Self: You are funny. People just might like to hear what you’ve got to say about TV.”
And there you have it, a TV show is born. Ever see Mystery Science Theater 3000? Well, if you haven’t, you don’t deserve to be breathing. It’s OK, we all have our shortcomings. Quick, go to YouTube and utube MST3K. I’ll wait.
Good, now that you’ve been briefed, here’s the second point in this very long, ambiguous lead-up to my idea for a TV show. You know on VH1 where d-list celebs comment on so-called A-list celebs? I think it’s known, coloquially, as “Best Week Ever.” Why these effin’ people have jobs I don’t know. Nonethelesssomemore, they do. Anyhoo, my idea is this:
Regualar TV would play while people (like myself, friends, girlfriend, sister) would, in real time, comment on the shows, commercials, etc. as they were running. Sometimes it may be boring, sometimes it would be a tangential schism from subject to subject, and sometimes it would be outright HIGH-larious. But it wouldn’t be regular television. It would be better. It would be the end game of TVs progression. It would be real people commenting on made-up, overproduced, tacky, unrealistic, crappy ol’ TV.
I WOULD TOTALLY WATCH THIS! Wouldn’t you?
So, to recap, think MST3K meets Best Week Ever. Only, no weird Sci-Fi skits or characters, and no “celebs only” policies. It would be four or five people commenting, discussing, opining on and about television JUST LIKE EVERYONE DOES IN REAL LIFE.
Programming would include commercials, we would also make fun of those. It would include news, and could even get serious. We could make shadow puppets on news anchors’ faces, draw on them “Madden marker” style and even sware. As a matter of fact, I’d want the swears to be bleeped (and often over-dubbed with a really hilarious, yet P.C. replacement). You know, how when movies are shown on regular TV and it’s just a TERRIBLE overdub. I think that … que Barry White voice: “Stuff”… is, again, HIGHLARIOUS.
I’ll give you yet another swear example:
George McFly from BTTF: “Hey you, get your DARN hands off … her.”
So that’s the idea. It’ll be called “Keepin’ it real.”
Coming soon to SpikeTV.
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So we’ll be in the studio Aug. 12. Watch out for new Bang sounds and songs a’comin.
Here’s a new poster I’ve been working on.
